courts declare Secular Humanism a religion? (No)
Date: 18 Apr 87 19:53:24
From: Geoff Gilpin
Subj: This is SATIRE, folks.
Now that the courts have declared that Secular Humanism is a religion, can a
Secular Humanist cable TV network be far behind? Here's a page from the TV
Guide listings for the Agnostic Broadcasting Company:
8:30 AM THE MORNING TRUTH: News
Politically correct reporters offer biased interpretations
of the day's events.
9:00 AM SOLIDARITY STREET: Children
Susan teaches the girls to hate males. Ralph and Eduardo discover how
multiplication can help them boycott non-union products.
10:00 AM SKEPTI-CISE: Aerobics
Take off pounds with leading Free Thinkers.
10:30 AM A WORLD OF NOTHING: Soap Opera
Julie and Steve argue. Biff confronts Walt. Maggie turns to drugs.
Dick discovers he is pregnant.
11:00 AM WHEEL OF EVOLUTION: Game
11:30 AM THE 666 CLUB: Religion
Host Aleister Crowley is joined by guests Madeline Murray O'Hair, Ozzy
Osborne, and Adam Weishaupt in a special taped segment. Topics
include banning the Bible and overthrowing traditional family values.
12:30 PM THE SECULAR MOUSE SHOW: Cartoon
Secular Mouse battles Dogma Dog on the Planet of the Jesuits.
1:00 PM PHIL DONAHUE: Talk
Phil's guests are members of the Boston Chapter of Americans United
Against the Fifth Commandment, who discuss the rewards of parent
2:00 PM AFTERNOON MOVIE: Movie
Scheduled: Debbie Does Dallas.
4:00 PM MARIJUANA HORTICULTURE: Home Improvement
Gardening tips for budget-minded hemp users. Chef Ramone makes
4:30 PM PLEDGE BREAK: Money
6:00 PM THE ABC EVENING NEWS: News
At press time, reporter Sam Donaldson was scheduled to insult
an authority figure.
6:30 PM M*A*S*H: Pacifist Comedy
When a war-loving General visits the 4077th, Hawkeye and the gang
use practical jokes to make him doubt his manhood.
7:00 PM PORNOGRAPHY: Sex
Bodily orifices are explored.
8:00 PM OUR SOVIET HERITAGE: Documentary
Join host Jane Fonda in her musical tribute to Leon Trotsky. Guests:
The Bolshoi Ballet, the Surplus Value Chorus.
10:00 PM THE NEUTRAL GENDER SHOW: Comedy
Anti-family comedians do hilarious spoofs of Bill Cosby and Michael
Midnite SERMONETTE: Superstition
Un-Denominational Prayer and Benediction.
* Origin: APPLEGATE - Appleton, Wi. (414) 738-1219 (Opus 139/630)